Wednesday, August 20, 2014

Internal Struggles

Life Changes
Over the past few weeks I have found myself being human, YES its true Santa has to face the same situations and curve balls that life throws at us all.
For some time there have been many issues weighing on my mind that I have been able to keep at bay and carry on with daily life like we all do. unfortunately While away on vacation for a few days with my children in Penticton I found myself unexpectedly thinking about all of the things that have happened in my life so far after hearing some bad news about a family member , I  even reached back to when I was a teenager and dealing with weight issues and my neck injury. For so long I just played everything off like it never happened, typical guy thing to do I guess. It has caught up with me. I found myself reflecting back on a previous incident that took place when I lived up north and I was asked to compromise my morals and future, I did not. Because I would not pander to the powers that be I was then put in a position of owning a new home and car, having a one year old son with issues and no money or job prospects to pay for any of it. I picked myself up went back to school and started all over again. Don’t get me wrong things are going well for me I love my job but I have found myself in a bit of a funk emotionally and not thinking clearly. Stemming back to up north and the financial bind it had put me in that I still am trying to climb out from is emotionally draining enough but with a year in my professional life that I wish I could forget, and family sickness, I just broke down. Over the past year I have had my job changed on 4 occasions and having to train the people to replace me , I had been placed in a position that I had to defend my work due to blatant disregard for someone’s safety ,plus there was an attempt to throw me under the proverbial bus  . Good thing I kept accurate notes which helped clear my name of wrong doing. Being in interview after interview while feeling guilty for what had happened (even when it wasn't my fault) with not one person from my organization come to my defense was VERY stressful,  situations that required me to use my first aid to help people from further harming themselves. More added stress. On a personal level I have been put under a lot of physical and mental pressure worrying about my son and his at times, erratic behaviors due to his issues, I worry every day, he has no friends to play with and how that will affect him socially and mentally in the future, where will he be? What will he do? All things a father wonders. Over the past few months we have been at an even greater struggle with his behaviors with absolutely no fault of his own. On 2 occasions the pharmacy that we deal with has given the wrong prescription, once he was given the pure dosage of fluoxetine that landed my son in the hospital with overdose issues. As if once was not bad enough the same pharmacy filled the wrong amount RX then gave it to someone else with a similar name. My son was given another boys medications that did not comply with his system. Unfortunately my son had a bit of a break down and had to be restrained by a neighbor until he could calm down ,not before harming his brother and mom in the process.(More Stress) then the final piece of the pie. I have been battling health issues , being told I was diabetic and have high blood pressure has been difficult after learning that it was a pre-disposition in my family ( I never knew)   once again I worry about my boys and their future should they be affected. The straw that broke the camel’s back was the news I heard regarding my mother in laws health , here is a strong woman who used to run marathons just last year , she has been diagnosed with MS with a not very favorable prognosis for the near future.  Along with my wife’s recent health issues that parallel her moms , I cracked , it got me. So as it stands I am currently off work as per doctor’s orders due to stress and burnout for the next 6-12 weeks. The moral of this story is to not to make anyone feel bad for Santa it’s to let you know no matter how tough the exterior,  inside we are all fighting a battle that most people can’t see, a battle with how to cope with life’s adventures.  I have had a rough go of things and I am making sure now that I take some time and regroup. We have to take care of ourselves. I feel bad that I am not at work, that’s just my nature but I can't help others until I help myself. My doctor has advised me to do things that will relax my mind, make me smile and that's what I intend to do! It's too bad I couldn't make a living off being Santa because at a distant second to my wife and kids it's just a part of my life that brings me joy, it makes not only me smile but so many others too. We all need to smile more.
Take care of you.

1 comment: