I know its been awhile and here is an explanation why.
Over the past few months I have to be honest, Santa has been on an emotionally draining roller coaster. For obvious reasons I can’t get into the details due to Privacy issues with a client. What I can tell you is that I am now back in my former position , my former office and getting to work with the same wonderful people I had met over the last 5 years doing case management.
To say that I am happy to be back is a HUGE Understatement for me to make! I took the other position to better myself and better my family with a raise in salary; Money isn’t everything! Each day I would start off trying to present a positive attitude and optimistic outlook on the day ahead, by the end of the day I have smoked 2 packs of cigarettes and I was about to explode like a volcano. I did not like who I was becoming. Stress was a major part of my mood swings and I realize that stress is a part of life, unfortunately I was the one who added the stress on my own when I could have prevented; just not taking the job in the first place. I have wrestled with that fact since the first 2 weeks in the former position, I knew it wasn’t working.
Due to my stubbornness and crazy inner voice that does not let me give up on anything , I stayed hoping that things would change and maybe get better; I was wrong it only got worse – ALLOT worse. Being saddled with a manager who I know did not want me in the position was difficult but I am just like everyone else in this world and I need a paycheck to pay my bills. Unfortunately, I am now stuck in the middle of a very high profile case that could have been avoided if someone had done their job in the first place. Placing me and a few of my co-workers in a position that could have been potentially dangerous and career ending is absolutely unacceptable. This person not only did not do their due diligence, they have now tried to throw all of us under the bus to try and save their own skin. Fortunately the investigation portion appears to be over and through thorough examination, my name is clear of wrong doing (As it should be anyways). The next phase is to DE-stress and come to the realization that I did the best I could in the situation I was put into. I feel good with the job I did while I was there and I KNOW I left my clients in better shape than when I arrived.
The moral of this rambling is that, I own the fact that maybe even though I had the best of intentions; I made a mistake in accepting a position knowing it was going to fail. After the dust settled I have my old position back, I am doing what I love to do and working once again or people that I know respect and value my work.
To my former manager as a leader and someone that each and every person who works for you looks to in times of confusion or crisis you have lost the confidence of all your staff and also throughout the organization. If you do lose your job I empathize with you because I know what it’s like to be unemployed but at this point I know you would not have shed a tear for me if you had gotten away with having 2 of your staff losing their jobs while yours was safe.
As Santa I have too, and believe in teaching forgiveness and compassion for others when they need a hand, eventually I will forgive you for the nightmare that I have been through for the past 3 months but what I can’t do is forgive what you put our client through in an attempt to make yourself look better. A person in this world no matter what age they are has the right to feel secure, be nurtured and know that when they go to sleep at night they are in an environment that allows them to explore their dreams knowing they are safe. You didn’t do that and I am ashamed (even if it was unknowingly) that you made me become a part of that.
If you are man or woman enough to make a mistake everyone does , be man or woman enough to OWN YOUR MISTAKE.