Self Harm

Self harm

This week was a tough week for me; I was witness to a young man who felt that the only way to ease his pain was to harm himself. Luckily we were able to talk with him, and keep him safe until the paramedics arrived to tend to his wounds. When arriving at the hospital the young man was disappointed that he was still here. Broke my heart to hear that. Not even yet an adult and with so much to live for but yet felt like he did not have any other choice. The young man has had multiple attempts in the past due to his substance use and mental illness. I just hope one of these times he doesn’t succeed.

I visited the young man the next morning; he was happy to see me and thanked us for the quick action and for staying with him during the whole ordeal. I asked him why he thanked me as I explained that that is what people that care do, stick beside someone regardless of the situation. The young man says he has never had that before and was shocked. The young man explained to me why he did it. He stated “my grandfather would not bring me Marijuana or Meth and I just wanted to go to a happy place for 30 minutes or so”. After talking with him I have learned that this had been normal routine with the drugs and alcohol since the boy was 11 and when he was denied the substance it threw him into a state of panic. It’s sad to think that a family member, who is supposed to be a role model and a mentor, was role modeling the dangerous and obviously harmful behavior. The young man will have another reminder of his situation and the pain that he feels on a daily basis, 40 surgical staples on each arm extending from the base of his wrist to the bend in the elbow.

The young man broke down when we talked and says to me, “why can’t I just feel like I belong, why can’t I just be loved like other people my age” My response, “you are loved and cared about that’s why I am here and as for belonging, you are not in heaven so you must still belong here with us” he laughed and thanked me once again.

If you ever notice someone who is doing things to themselves that could be considered self-harm, let them know that you care and that you are glad they are a part of your daily lives. Most people just want to belong and feel wanted.  

Self-harm can manifest in so many ways, here is just a few

 - Cutting

- Single / repeated overdoses

- Disfiguration of the body

- Swallowing sharp objects or foreign objects

- Inserting foreign objects into the body

- Swallowing poisonous substances

- Hair-pulling

- Head banging

- Scratching

- Excessive scrubbing of skin e.g. with sandpaper, scourers, Chinese rubs etc.

- Burning with cigarettes

- Alcohol/drug abuse

- Eating disorders

- Repeated attempted suicide

Please be a friend to someone who may need it. There is so much negativity, and for my young friend let’s make this world his happy place so that he does not have to harm himself again to try and find it.

Santa

Using one brush to paint a picture

Not sure how to approach this subject this week. Do I cut to the chase and just say I think there is too much hate in this world and people are too easy to pass judgment? Or do I take a conservative approach in an attempt to not hurt anyone’s feelings. DIRECT ROUTE!!

So often the world is quick to pass judgment on others based on the preconceived ideas that we have.  I would love to see a day when we could all get along and not look down on others, I know that will never happen, I am not naive enough to think that one day the whole world will live in harmony and we will have gigantic love ins all the time,but we can start by caring for others around us , hey you never know where it may lead.

When is the last time you have heard an off side comment regarding someone you don’t know and not take the time to defend that person for the sake of not offending a friend, family member, co-worker or simply the person making the comment. I was shocked and appalled the other day when I heard a young person make fun a man who was trying to have his lunch who obviously had Tourettes Syndrome. I could see the man was barely affected by the comments, which tell me this is not the first time he has been made fun of and probably would not be the last. To me this was shocking, here is a person who wants so desperately to be a part of the community and live a normal life and can’t even go for lunch without being degraded and ridiculed for something that he cannot control.  I found myself becoming angry, I could feel my blood boil at that point. I took a moment to compose myself as I knew if I had gone over and said something half-cocked, I would not have been nice, not that they deserved my nice side. I took my food and politely sat down at the table with the 2 young men. I think they may have pee’d a little when a man 6’4” 270 lbs. came and sat unannounced at their table. I calmly stated to the men who I was introduced myself and asked them why they thought that it was funny to be making fun of others? Their reply “HUH? What does it matter to you what we said?” I explained to the young men that I was not there to pass judgment on them, I was not going to harm them, I just wanted them to defend their comments and explain what makes a person say hurtful things to others for pure enjoyment? After getting off to a slow start I was able to gather information from one of the boys past, he told me that he had a disabled sister and he did not defend the man from his friend because as he grew up he was taught to ignore the problem and it would go away from his parents. I am not saying that his parents were wrong (well maybe I am) but by avoiding the issue and not educating the people around you to the disorder or disability just spawns more hated because then people develop preconceived and misinformed information about what the issues are. With my background in Mental Health, I explained Tourettes Syndrome to the young men. I paid for their lunch and left. As I was leaving I overheard the young men approach the man with Tourettes and apologize for their actions.

I am not saying that will be the last time the boys will make fun of someone , or the man with Tourettes will not have to endure ridicule while in public but what I can say is that even if it was just for one meal , that man felt like he belonged and was welcome.

The moral of the story I guess is that when you see someone who is being bullied or being made fun of , take the time to say something , let a voice be heard for those who have been beat down for so long and do not have the energy to defend themselves.

We all were born the same way and should be treated as such regardless of your ability or disability.  

Santa’s picks for follows of the week

@FMSPCA @A_forbes  @shaimadas @CJCJ95 @vancanucks @Mindcheck_ca @4HUMANITEEs

These are just a few that have taken the time to promote harmony, wellness, positive education and compassion for the people and animals of the world.

SANTA  

OPEN YOUR MIND

Have you ever wanted to be perfect? Why? Once you achieve perfection there is nowhere else to go.

I find myself especially drawn to a fantastic site called mindcheck.ca. I am not drawn to the site because it’s part of the Canucks and the NHL but because it’s a fantastic way for people to self-evaluate or evaluate people you may fear have depression. Depression is not seen as a disability, what it should be seen as is DEBILITATING.

As a person who suffered a severe neck injury and multiple concussions when I was younger and a finely tuned athlete (at least that what I tell people) I can still to this day say that I suffer from the after effects 23 years later. I feel that I was one of the lucky ones that had a strong supporting cast behind me to get me through the dark days, some are not as lucky.

As often as a young man I wished that someone would ask me “what do you want to do?” “How can I help you?”, “do you want to talk?”Instead of “how are you doing?” I know that sounds strange but when you are asked 10-20 times per day “How are you doing” it becomes redundant and makes you feel like shutting down and not talking about the issue at hand.

The best advice that I can give someone is that if you ever feel like a friend, family member or co-worker is suffering from depression, ask the tough questions, and don’t give Advice! You should be there to listen to what the person has to say.

Be concerned if your loved one...

    Doesn’t seem to care about anything anymore.

    Is uncharacteristically sad, irritable, short-tempered, critical, or moody.

    Has lost interest in work, sex, hobbies, and other pleasurable activities.

    Talks about feeling “helpless” or “hopeless.”

    Expresses a bleak or negative outlook on life.

    Frequently complains of aches and pains such as headaches, stomach problems, and back pain.

    Complains of feeling tired and drained all the time.

    Has withdrawn from friends, family, and other social activities.

    Sleeps less than usual or oversleeps.

    Eats more or less than usual, and has recently gained or lost weight.

    Has become indecisive, forgetful, disorganized, and “out of it.”

    Drinks more or abuses drugs, including prescription sleeping pills and painkiller

Ways to start the conversation:

    I have been feeling concerned about you lately.

    Recently, I have noticed some differences in you and wondered how you are doing.

    I wanted to check in with you because you have seemed pretty down lately.

Questions you can ask:

    When did you begin feeling like this?

    Did something happen that made you start feeling this way?

    How can I best support you right now?

    Have you thought about getting help

I as many of you have wished that I could wave a magic wand, find a genie in a bottle or win the lottery to change my whole life so that things would be different. Now I find myself wondering why I would want to change my life’s path , I would not be who I am today if I did not have the trials and tribulations that I have endured over my life time , I would not have Mrs. Santa , and I would not have my Kids .

A special thanks to all the mental health care providers that help to save lives and educate on a daily basis

Thank to Mr Kevin Bieksa for his hard work bring light to the ones suffering the Dark Days  

@mindcheck_ca

@VanCanucks

MERRY CHRISTMAS

Being Secret Santa is a job that I find very challenging, exhausting at times, pressure packed but most of all rewarding. All the pressure is my own doing; I want to try and help as many as I can. I could easily walk away from what I do all year round and fade off in the sunset but when I realize that the potential of possibly inspiring people in our communities to think of others, to make the world a better place for all of our children to grow up in, I can’t.   

As I am here reflecting on all the highs and lows of this past year I keep finding myself wondering “did our hard work make a difference in even one person’s life”? The answer I came up with and you should too is “YES”. The reason I say that, my life has changed, I have seen a renewed spirit of Christmas giving not just in December but all throughout the year. I have witnessed change in attitudes of people that I could never imagine. I have seen an out pouring of support from people who I don’t even know towards people they don’t even know. Just when you think that you have lost faith in the human spirit, something happens and you can truly see just how much we all care for one another.

I have been able to meet some fantastic people through my new found social media connection and I am glad that after 5 years of being a secret person in our communities I have been able to share the events of my daily life and have YOU, the followers be a contributor to the cause. Some of you have met me and agreed to keep my identity secret and I thank you for that, it will never be about me, it will always be about who we can help. For the people who have met me you can vouch that I am just a normal guy, not rich just a white collar guy that gets up for work every day just like each and every one of you do. That is what makes this job great! Anyone can do it, YES that means you!

As you may or may not know a lot of what I do comes from my own pocket I would like to send a special thanks to some people for making my job as FVSS easier.

·         Tim Horton’s – gift cards

·         Sunrise Toyota – hats mittens and toques for the homeless/ food drives  

·         BC Lions – tickets for 2 disabled persons to attend a game – various items

·         Scott Rintoul and Team 1040 – give away prizes

·         Rocky’s tree farm – generous donations to the disabled

The people and organizations mentioned do so much for our community and should be recognized for their efforts. You all make a positive impact. THANK YOU

The last one I would like to thank is my amazing and special wife and family who stand behind me and support what I do. Even though my children do not know who FVSS is and what daddy does, I make sure that they are involved and help to donate at times to learn about the spirit of giving.

It has been a tough year in the Santa household at times with Mrs. Santa off having a baby and struggling with a horrible EI decision on her maternity benefits. (All finally worker out now)The great thing about Family is that we all stuck together and made the best of what we had.I could not ask for a better mother to my children. I am so proud of my boys and the strides that they have taken to becoming young men. My oldest son who is 7 went from being moved from 5 different schools and being a boy that people said couldn’t be taught to a straight “A” student in his new school. My 4 year old has gone from daddy’s baby to being a respectful young man who now is attending pre-school and finally starting to enjoy it! along with developing a fantastic personality. My 5 month old is just a happy baby who fills each day with smiles and laughter. I truly am the luckiest man in the world. The FVSS household suffered a huge loss this year when one of our animal family members passed, our Great Dane Portia will be sorely missed by the family and her friend Bailee, she was an amazing animal. We do have a new addition for Bailee to play with, Shelby is a 5 month old Great Dane, and the two have become close friends and play a lot.  

There are so many drops and donations, avocations and promotion of charities and worthy causes that I simply could not name them all. I do know that I am proud to say that the followers of FVSS have played a role in each one of them; I thank you all for that.

So often the holiday season ends and people go back to the reality of life and the duties of our busy lives. I would hope for the New Year that you all will continue to follow FVSS and get the people you know to join with me to create smiles, hope and happiness for the people in our communities and around the world all year long.

For all who read this I truly wish you and your family a magical Christmas and a very Happy New Year

And always remember

“It’s not what’s under the tree during the holidays; it’s about the people who are surrounding it”

Love and Joy to everyone

   

One persons actions

I will start this week by letting people know just how disappointed I was to wake up and find that some of my yard art for my Christmas display was stolen. You run a mix of emotions when you have items stolen, anger, violation then it moves to sadness and now I have started to feel sympathy for the people responsible.

I can understand that there are some that would love to have Holiday displays and make their yards look festive but just can’t afford it. Some must feel jilted when seeing a large display and thinking why can’t I afford to do that. What these people do not realize is that it has taken me years buying one or two items at a time, building my own props with sheets of plywood, saws and paint. The one thing the thieves have not taken is the memories that I have of setting up the display with my children and seeing how excited they get when the items are going up. I create my holiday displays for others enjoyment and to try and help a charity or two, not to show off how many items I have.

If there was someone in my neighborhood that would like to create a display I would gladly give them the stencils or help them to create a magical place that people would drive by and say “WOW”. I will not have the time or money to replace the items this year but mark my words I will put up a display even bigger next year and I will not be deterred from creating smiles and holiday joy for children and people everywhere.

The silver lining of the events this morning is that I am truly seeing the compassion and good will of the people in this world. I have had offers of help from as far away as Africa, this I find amazing. That is better to me than a display, knowing that there is so much good in this world and that because of one person’s actions a large group of people can join together for common good.

When something like this happens, sure I run the emotional marathon as anyone else but I always calm down, step back and think of the possibilities that could have lead someone to steal. The conclusion I am convincing myself is “they stole the items to use and make their kids smile” and in the end is that not exactly what I am trying to do?

Moral of today’s BLOG

We can always find a silver lining in every situation we just have to take the time to look for it!

Thank you everyone for your support and I wish everyone and their families a very festive and enjoyable holiday season.

Merry Christmas

Santa, Mrs. Santa and the 3 elves